A Night to Relax and Unwind

I have been the diligent student this week, doing my posting for school early and working on my paper, reading my school books...everything that a good grad student does. After a hard week I decided that I'm going to relax tonight and watch the Netflix movies that came in earlier in the week.

Having forgotten what was on my list, I opened them to find Seven Pounds and Marley & Me. The only thing I knew was that the damn dog dies in Marley & Me. I'm prepared, right? I watch Seven Pounds and cry. Awesome, because for over a year I have avoided movies that evoke anything other than laughter and awe. Then I move on to Marley & Me.

I am PREPARED, the dog dies! I know this so it won't surprise me and end up weeping like MY dog just died. LIES! LIES! LIES! I was bawling so much and for twenty minutes. Shit spewing from my face and from more than one orafice. Just when I collected myself, BAM! Another round, after about four of those I end up not being able to breathe, tears continue to stream even after I feel that the sadness has swept through every pore in my body.

There went my night of relaxing and unwinding, I don't know if I'll be able to get a dog now for at least until the scars of this movie have healed my soul. Horrible movie! I will never watch it ever ever again.

Amazed

I still am amazed when I get ridiculous requests from people to do something that expends more energy to explain to me than to do themselves.

You want to delegate to make yourself feel better, go ahead. However, there's going to come a time when you realize that I'm not there because I hold a position much higher than yours because I know how to manage time better.

Marinate on that and journal it.

Peace out fools.

Good-bye Ted

I went to junior high and high school with Ted, he was later known to everyone who didn't hang out with him as the Stoner, the Heavy Metal dude, the Burn-Out. Him and his twin brother Tim were always nice to me and despite what his outer shell was that was who I remember.

Ted died last night, he was diagnosed with throat cancer in January and it was so aggressive that he deteriorated quite fast. That's both a blessing and a curse sometimes. At least now he's not suffering, he's not in pain and he can be at peace whereever he is. I can only hope his family finds peace as well.

Good-bye Ted.

There's Madness and Then There's Me in the Middle

It seems that everyone is having stormy issues (personal or professional) and my happy ass is sitting in the middle of this cyclone watching it all. I reach out to try and bring others to my happy spot in life, but I almost get sucked into the madness every time.

Amazing that two years ago I would be crying or wondering if it will get any easier and here I am dealing with a hectic work schedule, grad school and trying to keep up with Monk on the concert attending schedule happy as a clam. I won't lie and say it's always like this, last week I was in a hotel room wondering how the hell I got there and why I agreed to travel to Moline, IL for a concert. It was a hiccup in my quite scheduled life that threw me off, I didn't plan like I should have for it and I was knocked off my happy zone for a few hours.

Who cares though, I'm enjoying my life and I did go to sleep...eventually.

Thoughts

For the past four months I've been stressed to say the least. The great part in all that is that I didn't have one single panic attack. I got through it on my own without a counselor or medication. I consider this a feat for myself because there was a point when I honestly couldn't see the point in doing anything. I bathed out of habit not because I would feel clean afterward. Things like that.

Then my 32nd birthday rolled around and I thought I should do something different to celebrate my birthday instead of getting drunk with a bunch of people. It was a great twist. I spent it in the beautiful Redwoods with a new friend. Though, I was still in my funk. I didn't feel particularly happy or sad, I felt void.

Then 2009 rolls around with a great promise, a promise that THIS will be the year I get happy. Well...it's a daily struggle with my pessimistic side trying to squash my good thoughts and feelings. I am winning a little more every day, so YAY! I still have those snarky, sarcastic moments (some days more often than not), but I make myself believe in something positive. A friend gave me a daily positive thoughts book which gives you one positive thing to think about each day. I see it as a different perspective or rather something to ponder. Rather on focusing on the things I do not have, the things I am not, the negative things I am. I'm coming around to this is how things will be, this is what I am, this is where I am going.

Unfortunately, with any change in outlook there are casualties along the way. The people that don't understand why after 32 years someone would change who they are (I'm not changing me fundamentally, just the negative aspect); those who think it's New Agey and hokey; and anyone who would rather be miserable and need a bitching partner versus someone to laugh with. I hope I did it smoothly, but even if I didn't. I am doing the best I am capable of and I can't have the albatross around my neck telling me all these nasty negative things.

Finally, I am beginning to dance to my own drummer and it's wonderful.

I got an A in stats, which seems to have been a miracle, but I knew I would survive!

On Hiatus

In the meantime check out...

Gypsy Blood

I must have some in me because earlier last week Jackass was being a nosy bunny looking for an anniversary gift from her beau and became incensed when she couldn't find it. Not only that, but he apparently forgot to get her anything at all.

So I simply told her to stop looking for the engagement ring because he's on to her nosy nosy ways and has it cleverly hidden. She then told me she was never getting married (lies) and that he wasn't going to be asking. I then cursed her with three children and told her to be patient and wait for the ring this weekend when they went to the beach.

Well ladies and gentlemen, I was correct. He proposed last night and she said yes. Due to a wind storm he could not propose on the beach, but this is Jackass' story and she can tell it on her blog. I'm just letting everyone know I KNOW when people are going to get married. A couple of months ago I envisioned Jackass' wedding, it was tioght. She's fighting me about the dress, though the vision never lies.

Readings will be held on the 32nd of every month.